2008
Jul
TAKE IN A RELAXING CUP OF TEA
Jul 3rd
GIVE YOUR JAW A BREAK Jaw clenching: a tell-tale sign that...
Jul 2nd
ONLY USE YOUR KEYS FOR UNLOCKING DOORS
Jul 1st
Jun
READ THE WALL STREET JOURNAL Mmmm. This cocaine is...
Jun 30th
SUCCESSFULLY USE YOUR CREDIT CARD WITHOUT LICKING IT...
Jun 28th
DRIVE THE SPEED LIMIT
Jun 27th
PERFORM SURGERY Yay medical malpractice insurance.
Jun 26th
COLOR IN BETWEEN THE LINES
Jun 26th
SHAVE That just has “hospital trip” written all...
Jun 26th
EXPLAIN TO YOUR ACCOUNTANT WHERE YOUR IRA WENT Now repeat...
Jun 25th
Jun 25th
STOP AFTER JUST ONE DRINK
Jun 23rd
BE COMEPLETELY HONEST WITH YOUR DOCTOR
Jun 22nd
BE THIS GUY
Jun 21st
STOP AND SMELL THE ROSES (OR ANYTHING, FOR THAT...
Jun 20th
BAIT THAT FISHING HOOK
Jun 19th
FEEL OUT OF PLACE ON WALL STREET Bathroom! Quick, my...
Jun 18th
CONCERN KLEENEX SHAREHOLDERS
Jun 18th
LEAVE THE DJ ALONE Well what CDs are you willing to play??!...
Jun 5th
KEEP THE MIRROR ON THE WALL
Jun 5th
May
PLAY IT COOL AT THE REGISTER These bills… why,...
May 25th
UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF TIME I’ll come meet you...
May 24th
FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE WORKING AT AMERICAN APPAREL And if you...
May 22nd
LIKE YOUR NOSE PIERCINGS
May 21st
SIT FOR THE FAMILY PORTRAIT
May 20th
AMUSE THE BOUNCER
May 19th
PASS A LIE DETECTOR TEST Ma’am, not only is your heart...
May 16th
DINNER You can go to dinner, certainly. But you won’t...
May 15th
WORK A night on the slopes can be extremely exhausting. What...
May 14th
…DOTH SPEAKEST FOR ITSELF, NO? “Superb! A...
May 13th
USE THE BATHROOM ALONE
May 12th
FIND YOUR MOTHERF*&%ING DEALER
May 11th
NOT GO HERE Whoa, guys! You didn’t tell me the line to...
May 8th
LISTEN TO NPR
May 8th
JENGA
May 7th
PLAY HARD TO GET You can’t have it (yes you can!!!)....
May 7th
EFFECTIVELY HARNESS YOUR CHI Namaste, tweaker.
May 6th
MISS DOING ADDERALL What I wouldn’t give for a gorilla...
May 6th
LOOK AS GOOD IN THE PHOTO AS YOU FELT WHEN IT WAS TAKEN
May 5th
MAKE IT TO THAT TEETH CLEANING…
May 5th
GET WRITERS BLOCK* Another amazing simile!?! Boo-ya! *...
May 4th
REMAIN MODERATE DURING A DEBATE I’m telling you!! If...
May 3rd
RESIST ASKING FOR YOUR CASH IN $100s Ma’am, today...
May 3rd
IGNORE THE BATHROOM ATTENDANT And a $20 for you, good sir....
May 2nd
Consider a circle of radius 1 centered at the origin and an...
May 2nd
FEEL OUT OF PLACE IN WILLIAMSBURG (BROOKLYN)
May 2nd
GET THE WISHBONE
May 1st
EMBROIDERY 1. Thread needle 2. You won’t get to this...
May 1st
MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT
May 1st
BE STEALTHY *twitch*
May 1st
Apr
ENJOY A HEARTY THANKSGIVING MEAL WITH YOUR FAMILY Hi,...
Apr 30th
THIS.
Apr 30th
ENJOY A LEISURELY JAUNT TO JAKARTA Did somebody say...
Apr 29th
DISLIKE RICK JAMES
Apr 29th
RAISE A WELL-ADJUSTED CHILD Jimmy, can you hold the drug...
Apr 28th
HANG WITH YOUR OTHER FRIENDS Hello? Oh hi, Natalie (sniff)....
Apr 28th
PUT A BOAT IN A BOTTLE (successfully)
Apr 27th
MAKE GOOD ON YOUR VOW TO QUIT SMOKING THIS WEEKEND Just one...
Apr 26th
ONE LAST EENSY-WEENSY LITTLE TINY MINISUCLE BUMP BEFORE YOU...
Apr 25th
STOP DANCING This beat. It’s amazing. Uh. Yeah. Uh....
Apr 25th
MAKE THE BEST OF THAT LONG FLIGHT FROM JFK TO HEATHROW Why...
Apr 25th
WIN A STARING CONTEST Try it. No, really. You should. Bet...
Apr 25th
MAKE YOUR PARENTS PROUD Unless your last name is Escobar...
Apr 25th
WATCH “THE ENGLISH PATIENT” It wouldn’t be...
Apr 25th
GET OVER A SINUS INFECTION This is very difficult to do...
Apr 25th